The concept of pet clothing to me is a little strange. Us dogs are not little humans (even though my pet parents continue to treat me like one) - we are canines, decendants of wolves before we realised we could pretend to be "domesticated" and easily take advantage of humans (like Dad and Granny) - and we are born with the hair and fur appropriate to our natural environment.

As you can tell by my glamour shot below, I am quite hirsute (from the Latin hirsutus = shaggy, hairy), cause I am in part decended from the Shih Tzu breed (lap dogs) in China, which gets just a little bit cold in winter....

Now I must say that I do take advantage of not having to live outdoors like a lot of other doggies and I do get to hang out on couches, bean bags, beds, and car seats a lot - in fact, anywhere the humans are supposed to be. Because of this, I'm not really in my natural environment that much, but I'm not complaining either....

So it comes as no surprise when my pet parents decide to dress me up like this...

When this sort of garb is extracted from the doggy wardrobe, I further worry about my Dad. You can see the concern written all over my face.....

I know that he is a relatively intelligent man, so I'll give him some hints:

For a start, Gortex is basically a material used for mountaineering - so unless we are heading off for a surprise Mount Everest trip sometime soon, it's a tad OTT.

I really don't need reflective Scotch tape on me - since we only ever go walking during the day. I figure he thinks I might get lost in the house at night and he has a spare pair of night vision goggles floating around with which he'll be able to find me (after he puts his contact lens in....)

Khaki green and red should never be seen within a football field of each other. Unless you are in China.

Was this on special? This might explain why the jacket only comes up to my mid-thorax and the matching trousers are missing? Where are the gortex booties for my feet? How about some goggles and a balaclava for my face, while you are at it?

As for the velcro, that isn't that exactly a great design feature for a hairy dog, is it?

Now for quite a while, I thought they dressed me up like this cause they like me to me to look my best and be a stylish and fashionable dog, and out of practical concerns to keep me warm and comfortable when its a bit chilly. So I played along too......

Until Rosie shattered my illusions with this......

After a few days of pensive thought, and having watched this video since my last post, I reckon there are actually only two rules for us dogs when dealing with commands:

1) let the silly human think they are in in control (for a while anyway)

2) then do whatever you want!

Watch the vid - you'll see what I mean......
 

Thanks Hana and Duncan (or is it pumpkin) for showing us exactly the way it is.

Later

Dora XX 

Welcome to May! 

My daggy and dimwitted dog-owning Dad is at it again.

After my great escape last month, he sat me down and started to talk about doggy obedience, who the boss is (you would have thought by now that he would have figured out that I am?), and something called "commands" and why I need to start abiding by them.

As I'm six or so in human years (that's about 42 years old in canine birthdays), I thought to myself "you can't teach an old dog new tricks", but I decided to play along anyway....there are probably some tasty treats involved if I joke along with him...even if he has his serious face on.....

After a week of training (and lots of roo bits and laughs along the way) and because I'm such a smart pooch, I will give you the run down on the best ways to dodge these doggy obedience "commands" and how clever doggies can "have their cake (or in my case liver treat) and eat it too".....

Command: "What's This?"

In the canine world, this is the exclamation that an owner makes when they come home and find a poop on their brand new carpet. Just like Dad and Rosie did last week, except it was in their bedroom and Dad managed to walk through it in his socks....(again)

This can be a difficult one to manage upwards. The best way is to scrunge up in a really submissive way, crawl, and then roll over and look up at Dad imploringly (like in my picture below).

This makes him feel a bit guilty, and he then reconsiders the "what's this" question because it makes him look a tad stupid - we all know what it is - its a poop!

DORA SAYS: WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS? NOW THAT I'M LOOKING CUTE, HOW 'BOUT A BELLYRUB?    

After about ten seconds he'll reward me with a treat because he now thinks I know this is a bad thing and it won't happen again. Silly silly man :)

DORA SAYS: NO NEED TO ASK "WHAT'S THIS?", I KNOW IT'S A CAMERA, YOU DILL! 

Command: "Follow me and Let's Go!"

Dad thinks this is cool because it is a really cheesy lyric from a very bad techno song, and it also makes him feel like he's the boss and I am a follower rather than leader. 

Play along with this one - it's a winner!

This is a green flag to get out of the house, to meet other doggies and get some exercise.

It also allows you to attach a leash to Dad, drag him wherever and for as long as you want, and get away with anything (despite the delusions he's the boss...)  

Command: "Off"

Universally known as a poor command for dogs, it's Dad's favourite (that says something about him, doesn't it?)

After all, unless we are flying off the ground, we are always attached to something, which makes this command a loser to start with.

Best dealt with by a very subtle shift in body position in just any about direction, which usually is rewarded with a pat.

DORA SAYS: MY BED, NOT YOURS - HOW ABOUT YOU GET "OFF" AND GO AND SLEEP IN THE DOGHOUSE! 

DORA SAYS: HEY DAD, WHY DON'T YOU GET "OFF" THE FOOTPATH WHEN PARKING THE CAR! 

Command: "Fetch"

DORA SAYS: FETCH IS A GREAT GAME TO MAKE HUMANS LOOK SILLY! 

All dogs are secretly aware that this is a control game with no real practical purpose - except to make dog owners feel good about themselves by bossing their pet around.

Funnily enough, this is rarely played when the owner and dog are alone - most of the time it's attempted at a crowded local park when Dad is trying to impress.

This is great - a game where you can play humiliate the human!

Regardless of any rewards on offer (respect is worth much more than some processed meat off-cuts), make sure when they throw that ball 25 metres away and cry out "FETCH" that you stand your ground.

Ignore any other commands and pretend to be hard of hearing (even though we all know dogs have much better hearing than humans).

Don't flinch and look arrogant as a Shih Tzu should (if that doesn't work just pretend you're human).

Enjoy yourself (as I do regularly), when Dad ends up having to fetch himself, usually through the middle of the off-leash parks with lots of other dog owners looking on, and more often than not spoiling his shoes in the process.....

Hours of fun to be had here at Dad's expense.....

Later...

Dora XX